Monday, June 18, 2007

Found Poem

My Child
By Jaime Lovello

Far
Far
Is only a memory.
Beneath the surface
A tiny creature clings,
This is the nursery.
She’s a baby-
Not bigger than a bottle top.
Safe in her world
Flapping
Flying
She pokes
She’s gone
Into her secret life again
Steadily she outgrows her nursery
She leaves
Bigger now
She’s grown into her name
She arrives
Where she was born
Found her way here
Every struggle
Eyes stream with salty tears
She dives into arms
Becomes a memory
Waiting to wake

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK - I am editing and I hope this is what you wanted me to do.....another great poem but consider this: I think it should be "no bigger" and you have too many "she's", leave most of them out. ex: On line (she's a baby, just use - a baby, she's grown, she leaves, just take out the she's and let the next word stand alone. Last, consider finding another word for "pokes" and in the end, maybe say "waiting to awaken or waiting for an awakening.
Loved it too!.....jeri

JWrite said...

Thanks, girl. I love your comments on all pieces. The problem with changing this piece is that it is a found poem. We had a certain way to do this one. We used a book and listed words from the story that appealed to us. We could take out words, but we could not add any of our own. This is the poem I "found" by using words from the book One Tiny Turtle. Knowing that now, how does it sound.